I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
