Porn is love you can see.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
