I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
