Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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