you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
