Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
