We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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