hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
