so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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