Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
