found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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