5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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