Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
we should paint friendship bongs
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
