The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
