if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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