Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
