i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
They have beer where we have blood.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
