yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
