The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
