i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
