I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
