Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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