bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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