How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
