just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
