you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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