Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize