She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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