you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
