dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
