Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
