apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
