you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
