So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
