genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
