like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
