Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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