Duck Duck Cougar?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
