Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
