dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize