Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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