wrigley field is MILF paradise
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
