Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
