no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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