I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize