Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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