I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
