I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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