Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i was born a porn star she said
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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