My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
