I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
