Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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