I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize