I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize