So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
