hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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