You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize
