Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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