my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
