Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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