Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
