We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think my moral compass just broke
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