how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
