since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
