I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
