Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize