I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
