Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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