I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
