just tell him i said nine months
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
