I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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