Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I need water and some morals
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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