A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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