Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
