Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
third nipple confirmed
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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