well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's official drugs can't kill me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
